Planning the Work situation...

Today I've spent the day at a seminar for women who are thinking of starting their own business.  Payed for by government money to encourage more small businesses we got to spend 7 hours with a great instructor, a guest speaker who actually turned out to have her own Personal Training business (score for me!) and a great lunch at a nearby restaurant in the city.  Did I mention it was all FREE?!!  This country amazes me and I'm born and raised here!  Maybe it's good to spend some time away to really appreciate everything that Sweden has to offer...

I really enjoyed my day.  It was great to meet other women in similar situations as well as doing some networking and sending ideas back and forth.

I started off strong when we were listing things we dream of and want to accomplish.  We were then supposed to categorize them in terms of work-related or personal and finally number the top three in order of importance.  When the list was done we went around the table, saying out loud our top three priorities.  No problem... or so I thought...  When they got to me I found myself reading off my number one priority "spending time with my Mom".  It just hit me like a rock and I bursted out crying!  I told Danny I was glad it was a women's seminar, but he told me I might have gotten even more empathy from a room full of men!  Oh well, I guess I left an impression...

Porter and Oliver and I stopped by the hospital while Skyler was at gymnastics tonight.  My Mom had another shaking chill episode this morning and has been feeling pretty tired today.  They started a blood transfusion while we were there and when I spoke to her later tonight she sounded a lot stronger.  They did her x-rays yesterday but she has so far not heard any results.  I will try to make it in in time for the morning rounds with the doctor after I drop the kids off at school.

Time to sleep...

Mom in the Hospital

We had a big scare yesterday.  My Mom called me around noon and could hardly talk.  She had a pain in her side around the liver and was shaking with violent chills.  I asked her if she could contact her nurse that is in charge of her with the home-care (note to self: save nurse's # in my phone...)  My Mom couldn't even get off the couch to get the number (note to self: save nurse's # in my Mom's phone...)  She's had similar shaking chills before and I know how much effort it takes to even try to relax and calm her body down.  I hurried up and got in the car and called some amazing friends on the way.  Maud and Anders who contacted the home-care and got a nurse on the way and Cilla, my Mom's neighbor who left work to go and sit with my Mom until the nurse and I showed up.  You may think it's a small gesture but it means the world to me when in that moment I felt totally helpless.

I drove by the kids' schools and pulled them out of their class rooms. (Come to think of it - I haven't even told the teachers why...)  The drive to my Mom couldn't have felt longer...  We keep saying "we're only a half hour away" - well yesterday there was nothing ONLY about that, with other drivers and fresh snow on the roads...

When we got to the house my Mom was doing a lot better.  The nurse had been there to check her vitals and they had decided that she should go in to the hospital for a more thorough exam.  The kids and I drove her to the city and that's all we know for now.  She was supposed to have an x-ray scheduled anyway, so I suppose that will happen as soon as possible.

Of course, as my Mom started feeling better she quickly got back into her own self - calling her cousin about delivery of a wood stove for her living room... - arranging for pick-ups of MY KIDS on Thursday when I'm supposed to be at a seminar...  - calling me to confirm that I will contact the Vet for her dog...  She never stops - And thank God for that!

snow Snow SNOW!!!

Like a giddy 5- year old I found myself exclaiming to the kids this morning "ohmygosh, it's snowing - it's snowing!!!".  The kids have been asking for snow since they got here in June and finally today is the day!  The walk to the bus stop this morning was so much fun and Oliver kept saying that he can't believe Pappa is missing this and that this is the best day of his life!  Don't worry Danny - we have about 7 months of snow ahead of us now...

I love the fact that the kids already have experiences from living in different places and can compare them for their specific traits.  Skyler made me chuckle this morning when she noted that "we would totally have had a 'snow day' in Virginia today - and then we would be off school and the snow would be melted by lunch..."  I told her that she'd better not expect to have any snow days where school is closed here in Sweden.

After waiting and preparing for this day by going and stocking up on winter clothes at very well stocked flee markets I have to say that I was still completely unprepared!  It actually wasn't snowing when we first got up this morning.  But after brushing the kids' teeth and getting them ready we realized while walking down the stairs that the ground was all of a sudden all covered in white!  My kids will be the ones on the playground freezing their toes off in rubber boots, with rain clothes covering their clothes.  Oh well, usually they run around so much at recess that they don't have time to get cold.  At Ollie's preschool I made excuses that I haven't really had a winter for 18 years and asked them to just put his emergency change of clothes on top of his other clothes when he goes out.  Haha - makes me think of a particular Friend's episode...

Oh well, tomorrow's a new day - and tomorrow I will do better...

No regrets!!!

After reading my last post a friend of mine left me a comment saying "... Your sacrifice will not go un-noticed."

First of all I want to say that I appreciate the comment and took it in no other way than as a compliment but it also inspired me to write this post about my feelings about moving our family to Sweden.

I am forever grateful that we had this possibility to come here to help my Mother.  I always say that I don't ever want there to be any regrets.  My sacrifice would have been NOT packing up and moving across half the globe.  A decision that my dear friend Ronny says would have been fully understandable and accepted.  "Most people would find reasons not to go..."  I understand that looking from the outside - leaving a pretty organized, comfortable life in favor of big question marks filling our future may seem risky.  But by Divine Intervention - or whatever you may call it - our family was in a transition anyway, having just sold our house in California in order to live closer to our East Coast family.  I don't know about you, but I think a lot of times things happen for a reason - we just have to be open to whatever is being thrown our way!

I don't mean to get stuck on words but with our move here and with tough days that we sometimes have - I still can't see the sacrifice - I only see the opportunity!
... An opportunity to bring comfort to my Mother to know that we are there for her through our actions.
... An equally important opportunity to teach our children what our values are.  - To teach them that when a family member (or friend) faces a challenge, we stick together!  I sure hope that's what they learn from this! ;)

Obviously we've been fortunate that the transition has been quite smooth.  The kids already spoke Swedish so well that there's been no problem for them to adjust to school and making friends here.  My husband also enjoys the life here.  He likes to tell the story of the after-school-care that are for children with "parents that work late - like 4 pm or so!" (Like one teacher told us.)  Life here is more focused on the family than work...  As for me, who have not lived in Sweden since I was 21 - I am falling in love with my city all over again!  As a teenager, longing to see the world, I couldn't see all that this city has to offer.  But priorities change... life change... and life is good!

Christmas 2011

Hurry up and wait...

Spent a couple of hours in the hospital with my Mom this morning.  The plan was for her to get her chemo treatments, but her blood levels have been all over the place again.  Yesterday she got another blood transfusion because of low blood counts.  Today all her levels were stabilized except for the bilirubin which had shot through the roof!  My Mom, once again, gets frustrated over postponed treatments and I get worried about what's causing the levels to go up...  Of course there's nothing she can do about it but wait for her body to take care of it.

I read a quote by Tolstoy today... “The two most powerful warriors are patience and time.”
In my world that couldn't be more true!

Speaking of patience and time - the days are moving along as usual here.  I'm missing my partner in crime and after spending 1 1/2 h at Porter's gymnastics trying to keep the other two occupied, I can feel my fuse being very, very short by the end of the day.  Good thing is that tomorrow I can leave Skyler on her own at her gymnastics - because I don't think I could deal with two hours on a bench with the boys tomorrow...

Numbers and statistics - that's what Doctors know...

Sitting in the kitchen enjoying my morning tea and thinking about life... There's been a lot of that lately... thinking that is...

I dropped Danny off at the airport this morning and won't see him for a few weeks.  He is going back to the U.S. to spend time with one of his best friends who got a really tough cancer diagnosis a couple of months ago.  Danny was able to spend a few days with him at the hospital before he joined us in Sweden and will now have a bit more quality time with him - out of the hospital, following his friend's needs and wishes.  Not a day has gone by without us thinking and talking about our friend.  He will have his 40th birthday at the end of this month and according to medical knowledge and statistics only has a couple of months left.  It is heart breaking and unfair!!!

At the same time I just have an undying need to stay positive.  My daughter, Skyler said the other day, when we were talking about Pappa's friend... "-but he's going to be a miracle!"   And that's it!  Out of a child's mouth it's just that simple!  Just like we keep saying about my Mother's diagnosis - The doctors will speak to you in numbers and statistics, because that's their job and that's all they know!  Just like a child I will never stop believing in miracles!

A picture I took in Yosemite National Park
- I just love it's strength and perseverance!

We love you, "Señor G"

Where is my Mother???

My Mom left on a train on Saturday evening and since then I haven't heard from her!  No, that's actually not entirely true - she did call me on Sunday before she and her friend boarded a ship to go to Estonia... and since THEN I haven't heard from her!!!  How about a short message or a call just to check in?  My grandmother and I are used to have daily contact with my Mom, so now we are calling each other to hear if anyone has heard anything.

I'm actually writing this with a smile on my face, because I'm so happy that her and Maud got to go on this trip that has become a bit of a fall tradition for the two of them.  They take the ship across the Baltic Sea to Tallin, the capital of Estonia and then spend a few days shopping and getting massages for little or no money compared to Swedish prices.  I sure hope they are relaxing and enjoying their time.  And as long as I don't hear anything I expect things are good.

Can't wait to see her again on Friday!